Hangin' Out in Paradise

The kids and I had a great day today hanging out in Santa Barbara. We saw a skeleton of a blue whale, went to the Ty Warner Sea Center, and played at Alameda Park.

Lauren's observation of the whale skeleton, "The flipper bones look like hands!" They did, too.

Ryan's observation of the skateboard park, "Mommy, they don't have helmets on!" Good boy.

Riley Edward Lightbourne Has Arrived!

On Sunday night, September 21, I got the call that my new nephew was born at Huntington Memorial Hospital in Pasadena. He’s 7 pounds, 8 ½ ounces, and 19 ¾ inches long. I went to see him today, and he’s absolutely beautiful. Perfect little newborn toes, tiny little newborn nose, and sleepy little newborn yawns and gurgles.

Needless to say, Steve and Christine are tired but happy. Christine was in labor for a whopping 18 hours! Our family is thrilled.

Adjustment Pains and Relief

This summer, I was worried about Ryan. We had huge upheaval in our lives, and Ryan was a mirror for our family’s pain. Stubborn, ill-tempered, reckless, and sad. I kept telling people, “Ryan’s giving me a heck of a time lately!” Going to the park would lead to tantrums about sunscreen application. He’d try to break Lauren’s music box or throw her dolls out the window. I’d find him standing, balanced on the back of the family couch, and I’d take him down, saying, “We sit on our couch.” Only to find him two minutes later in exactly the same spot. When we’d leave our nightly visits to the Hutton playground, he’d lay on the grass and cry because we couldn’t play longer. And at bedtime, he’d sob about never seeing his friends again because we were leaving. I didn’t know how to help him other than to hug him and let him know I was there for him. I ached for him, but he frustrated me, too.

We’d have our quiet, happy moments, reading books and playing with friends, but overall, I remember a tough summer with my boy.

All of this was made tougher by not having a schedule to anchor us. I couldn’t say, “Today we’re going to co-op, and tomorrow we have swim lessons,” because we had nothing like that. It was more like, “Daddy and I have to work on the house, and you’ll be spending a few days with Grandma and Poppa.” He’d ask me, “How many sleeps will we be there?” and I could only reply, “I don’t know,” because I didn’t know. And then when we were home together, we could get a call from a realtor, and any activity we’d be doing would be dropped so Mommy could clean the house. My kids spent a lot of time in front of the TV, I’m sorry to say.

Shortly after we arrived in Camarillo, we had a long talk about how he never wanted to move again, because when we move, we spend a lot of time in the car and that just makes him so tired! He doesn’t like sleeping so much so can we please not move again?

We still have our moments. Last night, after reading A Fruit is a Suitcase for Seeds before bed, Ryan began to cry because he never got to see his eggplant(?) in our garden produce a vegetable. Why he was into that eggplant, I don’t know, but last spring, he wanted to grow an eggplant.

Ryan wears his pain on his sleeve. It’s so present, and it comes up so readily. He’s not like Rick or I, who have managed to stuff our grief away somewhere and focus on what needs to get done, the future for our family, and oh boy, haven’t we moved to a great place?

Anyway, I write about all this with Ryan because I was worried about him (and me too, I think). But now, things actually seem to be getting a little better, and I feel Ryan’s weight beginning to lift from my shoulders. We started a co-op here, and we seem to have found that anchor, that stability that I hoped would bring back some of my happy, free-wheeling boy.

Teacher Annie is Ryan’s new preschool teacher, and she’s wonderful with the kids (just like Teacher Gail!). The learning is play-centered, the discipline is about teaching, and there are lots of songs and snack, and well, I just couldn’t be happier with the program. He also dictates stories to his teacher a couple times a week and she writes them down and has him illustrate them. It’s priceless. My favorite so far was his story written about his picture of planet Earth (he covered it with bug stickers):

“The bugs are living on the mountaintops. That’s where you find lots and lots of
bugs. Well, some people go camping in the mountains.”

And friends! Ryan is making new friends! He talks all the time about Cole and Jacob, his new best buddies. They build train tracks together, play in the playhouse together, and ride trikes outside together. We even got to go to Jacob’s house one morning and play with Geo Tracks—very cool.

We’ll still have our irrational moments (I mean, he just turned 4 for Pete’s sake!), and I’m sure we’ll still have our episodes of grief at what we’ve left behind. But for now, I’m noticing a kid who’s calming down and getting happier.

I am breathing a huge sigh of relief.

Stool Watch Update

Still no sign of the quarter. However, one movement got away from me as it happened on a plane (!), and Ryan was so fascinated with the way an airplane toilet flushes (the power!) that he flushed it before I had a chance to inspect things.

He is acting like his usual, energetic self, so I'm not worried.

Today is Ryan's 4th birthday. His birthday dinner request--salmon, rice-a-roni, and apples. Oh, and brownies for dessert.

We go to the doctor on Friday.

Stool Watch 2008

Last night, while cleaning up dinner dishes and talking to my mother on the phone, Ryan came up to me with a panicked look in his red-rimmed, tear-filled eyes. “Mommy, I need to go to the doctor!” and he doubled over and started hacking and coughing, as if he was trying to vomit. “Trying” is the operative word here. He didn’t seem like he was sick, it was like he was trying to force himself to throw up.
“What are you doing?” I asked, and not too calmly, either.
“I swallowed money, Mom, I’m really, really sorry!” he replied.
“You swallowed money? What kind?”
“A coin.”
“Didn’t Daddy just talk to you about putting money in your mouth last night?” I asked him, annoyed at my own shrill tone. I had visions of just the night before, Rick getting down to Ryan’s level, holding his shoulders, and telling Ryan that we don’t put money in our mouths because it’s really dirty and you can choke on it and blah, blah, blah.
I’m sure by now, everyone is already impressed with my parenting skills. Getting shrill with my panicked child? Bringing up the lecture from the night before? Eeegad. I was one of those “What Not to Do” parenting videos. Call in The Nanny.
I got off the phone with my mom and vaguely remembered two quarters sitting on the counter for Lauren’s milk money. They were gone. I took a couple of deep breaths and asked, “Ryan, do you know what kind of coin you swallowed?” knowing full well that he has no idea of the differences between coins. I sat down with him and got my purse. I got out all the different coins. “Was it a dime?” I asked.
“No, not that one,” he said.
“What about this one?” I asked, holding up a penny.
“No, it was silver.”
Okay, at this point I was remembering my mother-in-law’s story about Rick’s sister, Linda, swallowing a nickel, and it got stuck in some pipe and it was a huge pain to get out. Emergency room visit and everything.
“Was it this one?” I asked nervously, holding up a nickel.
“No, Mom, not that one,” he replied, “Mine had a cactus on it.”
“A cactus?” I asked, puzzled, thanking my lucky stars that he did not swallow a nickel.
“What about this one?” I pointed at a quarter.
“No, Mom, I said it had a cactus on it.” He’s annoyed at me this time.
At this point, I’m just grateful that it wasn’t a quarter because they are soooo big! But then I had a dreadful thought. I got on to Wikipedia and typed in “50 states quarters.” All the quarters' designs popped up, and right in the top row were all the “A” states. Right away, Ryan got excited and said, “There it is, Mommy! You found it! Yay! That’s the one I ate!” He was pointing at the Arizona quarter.
Now, when I was a ten-year old, I accidentally swallowed a penny. No harm done. But this is a three-year old and a quarter. Aren’t those awfully big for a preschool esophagus? I mean, our esophagus has the same diameter as our index fingers! I didn’t know what to do. We haven’t been to a doctor here. I don’t even know the name of the hospital. Plus, it’s nighttime. In 10 more minutes, I was going to get them ready for bed!
I called the emergency room and asked to speak to a nurse. She told me we should do an x-ray, but it could wait until the morning. At this point, Ryan is running around the house chasing Lauren and laughing and screaming. He was not acting like a child that needed an x-ray. I kept asking him, “Ryan, where do you feel the coin? Do you feel it in your neck? Do you feel it in your chest?” He kept replying, “I don’t feel it anymore, Mom,” or, “I think it’s down to my feet now, Mom.”
Anyway, this morning, I spoke to the doctor that Ryan is going to be seeing for the first time next week, for his 4-year old annual appointment. He told me that 99% of the time, these things pass through the system (he even told me he once had a kid who swallowed an open safety pin, and it passed!). But for now, Rick and I are on “stool watch.” We have to inspect every bowel movement for this quarter. If we don’t find it in the next few days, he needs an x-ray to see where it is. I guess the 1% who don’t have a quarter pass through the digestive tract get it stuck in the small intestine somewhere. Yikes!
We have our latex gloves ready.

Top 10 Things I Love about Camarillo

To combat homesickness, I've created this list of things that are great about my new town:

1. The weather – I think the hottest it’s been here since we’ve arrived is 85 degrees. Usually, it’s around 78. You get cool morning fog from the ocean, it burns off about 10:00, and in the afternoon, when it starts to get hot, the ocean breezes kick in and cool things off. I’ve never been in better weather than this. We’ve eaten dinner in our house (as opposed to the patio) twice since we’ve lived here.

2. The beach – we’ve been to the beach 3 times since we’ve moved here. The first time, Ryan ran to the water yelling, “Cowabunga, dude!” (Where did he get that?). We’ve seen flocks of pelicans, dug up sand crabs, pretended we’re sea monsters (drape seaweed over yourself and you get the idea), and gotten knocked over a few times by the waves. Once, while we were building a sand castle, we spotted a pod of dolphins swimming out in the water. Beautiful.

3. The public library – a café? A bookstore? A beautiful, Spanish-style building complete with fountains, decorative tiles, and palms in the entry? Leather chairs? Tall windows with seats for reading? A pirate ship in the children’s section complete with a mast and sails? Murals from classic children’s books on the walls (Dr. Doolittle, Swiss Family Robinson, Heidi)? Self-checkout? Need I say more?

4. The hot tub – went in tonight. I can’t believe we went so long without having one.

5. The farmers’ market – It’s huge. Plus, here in CA, it seems like everything grows all the time. Some are selling asparagus and artichokes. Others tomatoes and corn. It’s almost like the seasons have no meaning here. I tried to find, and couldn’t, oregano and fava beans. I guess it’s not that perfect. But still, how do they do it?

6. Old Town Camarillo – quaint, charming, old Spanish-style with little statues everywhere. Look there’s a cowboy! Look there’s a farmer! Good restaurants, too.

7. Mexican food – It’s kind of like what I grew up with in LA. Great chips, great margaritas. I had forgotten how good it was. When I eat it, I’m reminded that my first year in Spokane I was craving tortilla chips. Yolanda’s tortilla chips.

8. Listening to my kids attempt to speak Spanish in the park – so lot’s of kids and families here speak Spanish. My kids have watched Diego and Dora. They are so desperate for friends that language barriers are not enough of an obstacle for them. Lauren will say things like, “Hola, vamonos!” or, “Tango sink-o ahn-yos, how old are you?” Even in Spanish, she has to establish the age-related pecking order. A funny exchange between Ryan and a boy last week:
Ryan: “Hey, what’s your name?”
The boy: “Nino, mira, mira!” (the boy is doing his best jump off the play structure).
Ryan: “Hey, what’s your name?”
The boy: “Hey nino, hey nino.”
Ryan: “Hey, what’s your name? Mom! He won’t talk to me!”
The boy: “Nino, mira, mira!”
The boy’s dad and I were laughing.

9. The LA Times - What a great paper. I had forgotten how good it was. I remember when I first moved to Berkeley at the tender young age of 18, I was looking at the San Francisco Chronicle and thought, "That's it?!" But I was used to the LA Times. Over time, I grew to love the Chronicle, and I had my favorite columnists and favorite sections and well, it was my local paper. Then I moved to Spokane, and I read the Spokesman-Review, and I thought, "Ooooh, this is a small town." But I grew to love that paper, too. I still miss Paul Turner. But oh man, The LA Times is awesome. Book reviews every day, world news every day, everything every day. It reminds me of when I was young and had dreams of being a journalist. It was because the LA Times was the local paper in our home day in and day out.

10. The Outlet Mall - Okay, Camarillo has the biggest outlet mall I've ever seen. It has everything. I got my kids Stride Rite shoes for $19.99. It's not E-Bay or Craig's List, I know, but when you can buy the same shoes, brand-new, that you bought in Spokane for (gasp) $46, it's pretty incredible. Almost every store you can think of is there. Unfortunately, I've only shopped for my kids there so far, but a trip for me is not far off! Eddie Bauer and the Gap, here I come!

(11. Mrs. Vesey & Teacher Annie)

The First Day of Kindergarten

There are so many emotions leading up to this day. I’m so proud that my Lauren is starting her first day of kindergarten. She is so ready, so bright, so gregarious, so friendly. I just know she’s going to love it. She’s ready to fall in love with her teacher, and ready to read. As a parent, you don’t mention it out loud that often, but you are just so in love with your children. She was perfect on her first day: she got a good night’s sleep, Grandma Joanne ironed her favorite horse dress so it was crisp, she picked her perfect headband, and we headed out with her brand-new rainbow owl backpack.
Her gait was nervous. “What if there aren’t any girls in my class?” she asked me. Her shoulders were hunched, and she walked tentatively into class. But thankfully, her teacher, Mrs. Vesey, is an old pro—warm, firm, clear in her directions—you know she means business, but is reasonable and kind. Within 15 minutes, Lauren was kissing my hand goodbye (her teacher read The Kissing Hand to start class), and the kindergartners were off.
So, there are a lot of emotions leading up to this day, right? Intermingled with pride, I have so much disappointment that we are in a new place, in a school we don’t know, with parents to whom I have no connection. There is no comfort for me here. This is not what I had planned.
On the first day, I am the only parent waiting outside the class without a big bag of supplies. Lauren doesn’t notice this, but I do. First thing I’m asked by Mrs. Hansen (teacher’s helper) when I walk in is, “Where are your supplies?”
“What supplies? She has a pencils,” I explain, worried I’ve done something wrong.
“The supplies from the list we sent in the summer.”
“Oh, I didn’t know about that list. We just moved here. We’re new.”
“Well, did you bring a lunch?”
“Were we supposed to bring a lunch?”
“That’s right, there were three of you. Hold on. Oh, are you planning on staying for the kindergarten orientation?”
“There’s an orientation? Right now? Um, of course I can stay.”
Now this exchange was perfectly cordial and professional, but I have to admit, it made my anxiety hit the roof. I knew she was in PM Kindergarten, but they’re supposed to bring a lunch? Shouldn’t someone have told me this? Is my daughter going to be the only one on the first day without a lunch or supplies? This is when, of course, Ryan decides he’s going to act up. My mind is racing and frantic, and Ryan decides he’s going to lay on the floor in front of the class and run in a circle on the floor (think The Three Stooges). Thank goodness kindergartners are clueless and none of them notice (but their parents did, I’m sure). I’m about to ask my mother-in-law to take him out of the room and I look back and I notice Rick walking in. He made it after all! I let out a huge sigh of relief and ask him to wave to Lauren and take Ryan home. He must have noticed my crazed eyes and just said, “Okay, Ryan, let’s go!” Among times that I’ve been grateful for my husband, this ranks among the top 3.
When I got home, I took a nap.
Well, this was a week ago Wednesday (8/27), and Lauren now has a bag of supplies, she turns in her homework, and she brings a lunch to school every day. Oh, and she loves kindergarten and her teacher.