This summer, I was worried about Ryan. We had huge upheaval in our lives, and Ryan was a mirror for our family’s pain. Stubborn, ill-tempered, reckless, and sad. I kept telling people, “Ryan’s giving me a heck of a time lately!” Going to the park would lead to tantrums about sunscreen application. He’d try to break Lauren’s music box or throw her dolls out the window. I’d find him standing, balanced on the back of the family couch, and I’d take him down, saying, “We sit on our couch.” Only to find him two minutes later in exactly the same spot. When we’d leave our nightly visits to the Hutton playground, he’d lay on the grass and cry because we couldn’t play longer. And at bedtime, he’d sob about never seeing his friends again because we were leaving. I didn’t know how to help him other than to hug him and let him know I was there for him. I ached for him, but he frustrated me, too.
We’d have our quiet, happy moments, reading books and playing with friends, but overall, I remember a tough summer with my boy.
All of this was made tougher by not having a schedule to anchor us. I couldn’t say, “Today we’re going to co-op, and tomorrow we have swim lessons,” because we had nothing like that. It was more like, “Daddy and I have to work on the house, and you’ll be spending a few days with Grandma and Poppa.” He’d ask me, “How many sleeps will we be there?” and I could only reply, “I don’t know,” because I didn’t know. And then when we were home together, we could get a call from a realtor, and any activity we’d be doing would be dropped so Mommy could clean the house. My kids spent a lot of time in front of the TV, I’m sorry to say.
Shortly after we arrived in Camarillo, we had a long talk about how he never wanted to move again, because when we move, we spend a lot of time in the car and that just makes him so tired! He doesn’t like sleeping so much so can we please not move again?
We still have our moments. Last night, after reading A Fruit is a Suitcase for Seeds before bed, Ryan began to cry because he never got to see his eggplant(?) in our garden produce a vegetable. Why he was into that eggplant, I don’t know, but last spring, he wanted to grow an eggplant.
Ryan wears his pain on his sleeve. It’s so present, and it comes up so readily. He’s not like Rick or I, who have managed to stuff our grief away somewhere and focus on what needs to get done, the future for our family, and oh boy, haven’t we moved to a great place?
Anyway, I write about all this with Ryan because I was worried about him (and me too, I think). But now, things actually seem to be getting a little better, and I feel Ryan’s weight beginning to lift from my shoulders. We started a co-op here, and we seem to have found that anchor, that stability that I hoped would bring back some of my happy, free-wheeling boy.
Teacher Annie is Ryan’s new preschool teacher, and she’s wonderful with the kids (just like Teacher Gail!). The learning is play-centered, the discipline is about teaching, and there are lots of songs and snack, and well, I just couldn’t be happier with the program. He also dictates stories to his teacher a couple times a week and she writes them down and has him illustrate them. It’s priceless. My favorite so far was his story written about his picture of planet Earth (he covered it with bug stickers):
And friends! Ryan is making new friends! He talks all the time about Cole and Jacob, his new best buddies. They build train tracks together, play in the playhouse together, and ride trikes outside together. We even got to go to Jacob’s house one morning and play with Geo Tracks—very cool.
We’ll still have our irrational moments (I mean, he just turned 4 for Pete’s sake!), and I’m sure we’ll still have our episodes of grief at what we’ve left behind. But for now, I’m noticing a kid who’s calming down and getting happier.
I am breathing a huge sigh of relief.
We’d have our quiet, happy moments, reading books and playing with friends, but overall, I remember a tough summer with my boy.
All of this was made tougher by not having a schedule to anchor us. I couldn’t say, “Today we’re going to co-op, and tomorrow we have swim lessons,” because we had nothing like that. It was more like, “Daddy and I have to work on the house, and you’ll be spending a few days with Grandma and Poppa.” He’d ask me, “How many sleeps will we be there?” and I could only reply, “I don’t know,” because I didn’t know. And then when we were home together, we could get a call from a realtor, and any activity we’d be doing would be dropped so Mommy could clean the house. My kids spent a lot of time in front of the TV, I’m sorry to say.
Shortly after we arrived in Camarillo, we had a long talk about how he never wanted to move again, because when we move, we spend a lot of time in the car and that just makes him so tired! He doesn’t like sleeping so much so can we please not move again?
We still have our moments. Last night, after reading A Fruit is a Suitcase for Seeds before bed, Ryan began to cry because he never got to see his eggplant(?) in our garden produce a vegetable. Why he was into that eggplant, I don’t know, but last spring, he wanted to grow an eggplant.
Ryan wears his pain on his sleeve. It’s so present, and it comes up so readily. He’s not like Rick or I, who have managed to stuff our grief away somewhere and focus on what needs to get done, the future for our family, and oh boy, haven’t we moved to a great place?
Anyway, I write about all this with Ryan because I was worried about him (and me too, I think). But now, things actually seem to be getting a little better, and I feel Ryan’s weight beginning to lift from my shoulders. We started a co-op here, and we seem to have found that anchor, that stability that I hoped would bring back some of my happy, free-wheeling boy.
Teacher Annie is Ryan’s new preschool teacher, and she’s wonderful with the kids (just like Teacher Gail!). The learning is play-centered, the discipline is about teaching, and there are lots of songs and snack, and well, I just couldn’t be happier with the program. He also dictates stories to his teacher a couple times a week and she writes them down and has him illustrate them. It’s priceless. My favorite so far was his story written about his picture of planet Earth (he covered it with bug stickers):
“The bugs are living on the mountaintops. That’s where you find lots and lots of
bugs. Well, some people go camping in the mountains.”
And friends! Ryan is making new friends! He talks all the time about Cole and Jacob, his new best buddies. They build train tracks together, play in the playhouse together, and ride trikes outside together. We even got to go to Jacob’s house one morning and play with Geo Tracks—very cool.
We’ll still have our irrational moments (I mean, he just turned 4 for Pete’s sake!), and I’m sure we’ll still have our episodes of grief at what we’ve left behind. But for now, I’m noticing a kid who’s calming down and getting happier.
I am breathing a huge sigh of relief.
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