When kids are younger, they often have a comfort object. It might be a blanket, a doll, a bear, their binky, something. But my kids had me. When they needed comfort, they needed me. I tried to introduce comfort objects. They slept with lambies, I shoved binkies into their mouths, Lauren even sucked her thumb for a while, but nothing ever stuck. I was their comfort object. I loved it, but at times I resented it, too (that’s what sleep deprivation will do, I guess).
I remember feeling a little guilty about it. Was I too indulgent? As the mother of a young child, I’d often strike up conversations with people or neighbors about motherhood. Often they would remark things like, “I’ve never seen a baby who doesn’t love their bottle!” A well-meaning family member once said, “YOU are their comfort object. I’ve never seen that before!” Maybe my own mother questioned it, too. I don’t know, because I don’t think she’d ever tell me if she did. I know all their words were meant with love, but I felt a tinge of judgment, too.
You know, when my kids nursed, Lauren always touched my neck. Her hand would go back and forth, back and forth, massaging my neck. Ryan would touch my face. He’d stroke my cheek, over and over. The whole feeling was so warm and secure. I loved that feeling I could give to my kids.
Well, now Lauren is 6. Her 6th birthday was November 14th. Amid windy and smoky skies (many parts of LA were on fire on this day), we had a birthday party at Jolly Jumps. I invited her whole kindergarten class, and a lot of them came. The kids jumped like crazy for 1 ½ hours, they climbed the rock wall, and then we had pizza, juice boxes and cupcakes. I sent them all home with bags of candy and a balloon. Lauren loved her birthday. “The best birthday ever!” she crowed.
Of course, we are in a new place. The moms’ faces are all new, but I like all of them, and I work in Lauren’s class on Tuesdays, and I love all their kids, too. I would have loved for Ainsley, Justin S., Anna, Justin L., and Daniel to all have been at her party, but the new group I had was lovely. Lauren waves excitedly at her friends as we walk into school everyday, saying at the top of her lungs, “Hi Gracie!” or, “Hi, Karlee!” She loves school, she loves her new friends, and I know their parents’ love and work have made them into the darling kids that they are. We have so much to be grateful for here in our new home.
Our school, our new routine, and our new friends are the new comfort objects for Lauren. She doesn’t cling to me anymore, she doesn’t need me whenever she’s upset, and she doesn’t cry at the window (like she did in preschool) when I drive away from school. Some of this is because she’s getting older, and some of it is the secure foundation Rick and I have set for her, and some of it is the solid classroom environment Mrs. Vesey has established. After leaving our beautiful home in Spokane, and being so unsure of this new city I knew nothing about, I have so much to be thankful for here. My kids love Camarillo and Southern California.
So tonight, December 5th, our family had another one of our famed movie nights (that is, famed among the four of us). We make pizza, put on a family movie and gorge ourselves in front of the television. We love it! But tonight was a little different, because halfway through the movie, Lauren sidled up next to me on the couch. “I want to sit next to Mommy for a minute,” she announced. I was actually about to go to the kitchen and start doing the dishes when she got up, but I decided to let her sit with me for a few minutes before I got up to do my nightly chores. And you know what? She curled up onto my lap, and then she stroked my neck, just like she used to when she was a baby. I can’t remember the last time she did that, and it just filled my cup. In some ways, she’s so grown up, but tonight, she was my little girl again.
I remember feeling a little guilty about it. Was I too indulgent? As the mother of a young child, I’d often strike up conversations with people or neighbors about motherhood. Often they would remark things like, “I’ve never seen a baby who doesn’t love their bottle!” A well-meaning family member once said, “YOU are their comfort object. I’ve never seen that before!” Maybe my own mother questioned it, too. I don’t know, because I don’t think she’d ever tell me if she did. I know all their words were meant with love, but I felt a tinge of judgment, too.
You know, when my kids nursed, Lauren always touched my neck. Her hand would go back and forth, back and forth, massaging my neck. Ryan would touch my face. He’d stroke my cheek, over and over. The whole feeling was so warm and secure. I loved that feeling I could give to my kids.
Well, now Lauren is 6. Her 6th birthday was November 14th. Amid windy and smoky skies (many parts of LA were on fire on this day), we had a birthday party at Jolly Jumps. I invited her whole kindergarten class, and a lot of them came. The kids jumped like crazy for 1 ½ hours, they climbed the rock wall, and then we had pizza, juice boxes and cupcakes. I sent them all home with bags of candy and a balloon. Lauren loved her birthday. “The best birthday ever!” she crowed.
Of course, we are in a new place. The moms’ faces are all new, but I like all of them, and I work in Lauren’s class on Tuesdays, and I love all their kids, too. I would have loved for Ainsley, Justin S., Anna, Justin L., and Daniel to all have been at her party, but the new group I had was lovely. Lauren waves excitedly at her friends as we walk into school everyday, saying at the top of her lungs, “Hi Gracie!” or, “Hi, Karlee!” She loves school, she loves her new friends, and I know their parents’ love and work have made them into the darling kids that they are. We have so much to be grateful for here in our new home.
Our school, our new routine, and our new friends are the new comfort objects for Lauren. She doesn’t cling to me anymore, she doesn’t need me whenever she’s upset, and she doesn’t cry at the window (like she did in preschool) when I drive away from school. Some of this is because she’s getting older, and some of it is the secure foundation Rick and I have set for her, and some of it is the solid classroom environment Mrs. Vesey has established. After leaving our beautiful home in Spokane, and being so unsure of this new city I knew nothing about, I have so much to be thankful for here. My kids love Camarillo and Southern California.
So tonight, December 5th, our family had another one of our famed movie nights (that is, famed among the four of us). We make pizza, put on a family movie and gorge ourselves in front of the television. We love it! But tonight was a little different, because halfway through the movie, Lauren sidled up next to me on the couch. “I want to sit next to Mommy for a minute,” she announced. I was actually about to go to the kitchen and start doing the dishes when she got up, but I decided to let her sit with me for a few minutes before I got up to do my nightly chores. And you know what? She curled up onto my lap, and then she stroked my neck, just like she used to when she was a baby. I can’t remember the last time she did that, and it just filled my cup. In some ways, she’s so grown up, but tonight, she was my little girl again.
2 comments:
What a sweet story Julie...and I am glad you are finding your place in your new home...I can't wait to hear all about it when you come up...xoxoxo
It sounds like you are finally adjusting. I know it hasn't been that long but I have noticed that she is really growing up, both of them have.
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